Running to Clear my Head

It’s a rainy Saturday here in the Inland Northwest and windy, but yet it was one of my easiest runs I have had in a long time. I felt like I could have ran for hours. My body was urging me to stop, but my mind persuaded me on. These types of runs don’t happen very often, if ever. It was the type of run I wish could be repeated in my marathons. You know when you “hit the wall” and your body is aching and screaming at you to stop. The point where you want your mind to take over and encourage you on. Running is just as much about the body as it is the mind.

Today I was feeling like running forever. Even though it was raining and windy, and I left my rain gear at my house (I stayed at my sisters to see family), I didn’t want to stop, or at least my mind didn’t want me to. My knees were aching after a couple of miles and I was chilled to the bone as the rain soaked through my running gear, but yet I wanted to keep running and running. Even with numb fingers, puddles in my shoes, and rain soaked clothing, I felt like I could run and run and run….

I needed to clear my head. The farther I run the longer I have to do so. I didn’t look at my watch and only turned around, because I knew family was waiting and my fingers felt like they were going to fall off. I got back to my sister houses and had only gone 9.30 miles. I was planning on just doing 5, but I needed more time to just be alone on the trails.

The past couple weeks have been a whirlwind of activity. From getting everything done with the wedding, going through gifts, doing thank you’s, leaving for Jamaica on the honeymoon and catching up on all the things I neglected while wedding planning. Then the unexpected happened. I wasn’t going to share all this, but it’s the reason for the “clearing my head” on the run. Sometimes it makes things easier when you’re honest.

This past year has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I lost a high school friend in January right before my birthday. I got engaged in March. Our former pastor passed away in May. I got married in September. A few weeks later I lost another friend. I can still see her beaming face, with those big blue eyes. At my wedding she was talking about how it was her 6 month anniversary with her boyfriend and they were talking about marriage. A few weeks later I got the news she left this world to claim her place in Heaven. While on our honeymoon Marc’s aunt passed away after a long battle with cancer. With all that’s happened it’s made me feel guilty for all the happiness in my life.

It’s reminded me to cherish all who is important and dear in my life. To not take time for granted and to say “I Love You” more. I know how I will be spending my extra hour for Daylight savings…with those I love. Death is never easy. But running allows me an outlet. It clears my head and takes me away from the reality surrounding me. It gives me my time to process all that’s happened. A time to be real: angry, sad, emotional. I have had those moments of wanting to scream, as if it will make everything better. Of wanting to run away, as if I can run away from the all the grief and anger. Maybe that’s why I love to run so much….it’s almost as if I am running away, if only for a moment. Everything seems peaceful and calm. Even with the rain and the bone chilling wind today I felt at ease. Those little moments of escape have helped me through the past year. That and all the love, support and prayers from all my family and friends.

Running is my form of therapy. My “me” time. My world is always better when I am running. It’s my healthy form of escape.

Sorry for the gloomy post, but sometimes you just need to be honest to face reality. You need that moment where you don’t have to pretend you have it all together.

I will be back to share our memories and photos from Jamaica. It was definitely a much needed trip!!

What is running to you?