I really don’t even know where to begin, but I do know that what I am about to write has been on my mind a lot lately. A little incidence got me thinking….and my mind kept wandering.
Here’s how it all got started (my little sister is the one to thank). My younger sister is going through a phase. You know the phase college kids go through when they “don’t need family right now” or “they need a break from family” or “they need their independence” etc. Yes my 20 year old sister has reached this point. The point where family “doesn’t matter”. I must say I never went through this phase (at least not then), so I didn’t understand it, until just recently.
(Just so you know I LOVE my sister but her little comments are what started my thinking.)
I kindly told my mom: “Well if she wants independence and doesn’t need family, then she doesn’t need her car or cell phone paid for, insurance, food, and all other activities. She doesn’t need papers to be wrote or edited.” I am sure if my mom really took what my sister said seriously, and cut her off, so to speak, my sister would think twice about what she said. I think she would realize she really does need family!!
It bothered me how she could just think you really didn’t need family. I mean we do so much for each other. I kept thinking, “how selfish” and “wow she is acting so spoiled”.
Then I begin to realize I have acted the same way. How many times have I said “I don’t need _________(insert whatever you want) right now” ? A lot. I have said my life would be better without so and so or this or that. But really would it?
Yes there are things or people that we probably could afford to let go, especially if it’s an unhealthy relationship or they bring more hurt than good. But then there’s those people, even if they are irritating, that actually are helping us grow. We actually might need them and God placed them in our life for a reason.
I honestly couldn’t live without my job right now, but I say it all the time. Or how about those famous words “I don’t need help.” When really that’s exactly what you need. Swallow your pride and it just say it: “I need your help!!”
I was voicing my frustrations to my older sister about some personal things when she bluntly said “Bryanna could you really live without _______? If you woke up tomorrow and _________ was gone forever, what would your life look like?” She said she asks herself this all the time when she feels like “punching someone” or “screaming” (I swear she’s not a violent person).
I asked myself those questions, and no I couldn’t live without _______. I understood that I was lacking appreciation for those that were important in my life. Again, this starts with being more grateful and thankful, and valuing others.
I know they are just words, but words can be the source of hurt or joy. Words are powerful. They more you say it, the more it hurts or helps you. So constantly saying “I could do without _________”, especially if it happens to be a person, the more frustration and pain you bring, not only to yourself but to that person. Even if you don’t say it directly to them, it shows through your actions.
If tomorrow you woke up and whatever it is that was irritating you or making you want to scream went away forever, what would your life look like? Is it the kids, a spouse, a friend, a sister, a brother, a job, school, or even running?
This is even good to use with the things/people we don’t need. It helps to put everything in perspective. There are some things I have been holding onto, that I really could live without: insecurities, fear, pride, pain. And then there are things I know make me stronger, even it’s hard right now, it would be harder without whatever IT is, that’s for sure!!
I know one thing is certain, my life would be forever changed without God, family and friends. I know I couldn’t live without them, and if I did it would be a miserable life.
I challenge you to ask yourself these questions. It changed my perspective. I doubt I will never not use the famous words “I could really live without ____ ” or “I could do without _________” again, but looking at the bigger picture and picturing life without them/it will put everything in perspective. I guarantee kids or spouses won’t seem as irritating when you picture life without them. Life’s to short to dwell on the negative.
Sometimes getting away for a bit and reflecting on the situation and gaining perspective helps. It does for me.
I know I will have days of intense frustration where screaming seems so much better than speaking kindly. But if I stop long enough to ask myself if I could live without the certain family member, the complicated friend, or the sometimes tedious job, or whatever IT is the answer would be no.
I don’t what the last words I said to someone or thought about someone to be unkind.
Thoughts?