Why Do We Judge

On a recent trip to the East coast I found myself wondering about judging others. As a mother traveling with an infant, many people judged the outcome of the plane ride. I was glared at, stared at, and avoided by most the people who were waiting for my same flight. Not all, but most.

I am sure they were thinking this baby is going to scream, cause inconvenience and take up more time. It’s a little bit overwhelming traveling with an infant. There’s lots to pack. I was thankful for my moms help and thankful that R is a wonderful traveler. She didn’t scream once. In fact, those that were rude and giving me faces were so nice by the end of the flight. Most commenting on how great R was. They judged me based on my child, thus judged the outcome of the flight without even knowing how R was.

It made me mad that some people were so rude and wouldn’t even help when they saw us struggling to juggle all the bags plus a baby. I was upset they were judging me, so if I am to be honest I had some judgements of my own. The very thing I was upset they were doing to me, I was doing in return.

It got me to thinking of why we judge. Our society has gotten pretty good at it. We judge others before knowing anything about them. Saying things like “she’s probably a stay at home mom who doesn’t have anything to do, so of course she has time to look that good.” Or “she probably has an eating disorder that’s why she’s so skinny” or “she’s probably at the gym all the time.” Or “she probably is rich and hasn’t worked a day in her life.”

The “probably” word can almost always be tied to a judging statement. If you are using “probably,” you don’t really know the the full scoop. Mothers judging other mothers is definitely something I see more of now that I am a mother. Again most starting with “she probably…..”

I found there are 5 reasons we judge others. I know, because most, if not all, of these reasons have been the root to why I have made some judgements about others.

5 Reasons Why We Judge 

• Jealousy – Some of you might be thinking well dah!! But I honestly do not think we fully realize we are judging out of jealousy. When we judge others we don’t say we are jealous of them, we just talk negatively about them. Deep down its because they have something we want or wish we had. Maybe we wish we had more time to run like they did, so instead we say something negative like “Well she probably puts more time into her running then into her family. If we didn’t have a job and all these tasks we could probably run that much too.” What we really are saying is the person has no responsibilities, lives an easier life and we wish we could run more like her.
• Comparison / Discontent – How does that famous quote go “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Well comparing ourselves to others robs the joy and we become negative, bitter and judgmental. We become discontent with our lives, and judge others out of our discontent. Whether it’s because we don’t like the season we are currently in or we don’t think we have the nicest of houses. We begin to judge others, because their life seems better (jealousy at the root).
• Insecurity / Making ourselves feel better– Out of our own insecurities we judge others. It makes ourselves feel better when we judge others. We all have insecurities and we can allow them to be so strong we judge others. Insecure about our body image, our houses, our education level and our finances, thus we judge those we think have more, look better, are smarter, etc. 
• Point the finger away from our faults – We judge others, because we know we are either doing something wrong or it helps to keep the eyes on other’s faults and not our own. We say things like “Well at least I wasn’t doing                  ” or “Did you see what she/he did….?”  We start pointing the finger at others faults.
• Unkind / Unloving – If we had more kindness and love we wouldn’t be judgemental. We would see others the way God sees others. We wouldn’t have reason to judge. Unkind people do unkind things, thus they judge.

Judging others is unfair and hurtful. Many have judged me, but I can’t be too upset about it when I have judged others. Even if I didn’t say it out loud it wasn’t okay. I can judge how others do things, thinking my way is better or right, especially when it comes to parenting. Now that I am a parent I am not so quick to judge other parents, because I know how hard it is. I know there’s not one right way to do things.

Before we start judging others, we should instead stop and learn more about them. We should maybe walk a day in their shoes, then we’ll see it’s maybe not as easy or glorious as we thought. Maybe that stay at home mom who always looks amazing, hides behind her looks to hide a broken marriage or a insecurity. Maybe the skinny women struggles to keep weight on or has been struggling with health issues.

I will be the first to say I have judged others only to come to the realization that I was completely wrong.

Until Next Time Be Whole and Be Fit