When Fear Creeps In

Happy Wednesday!!

Marc and I have picked our honeymoon destination….We are going to Jamaica baby!!

But back to my main reason for posting (it might be lengthy). Recently I have been playing tennis (don’t worry it hasn’t replaced my running. I can assure you no sport ever will). My older sister loves tennis and we thought we would start a tradition, since my fiance, Marc, and brother-in-love Josiah have started a tradition of Sunday afternoon golf at the driving range.

Cassie and I did tennis on Sunday after the boys got done at the driving range. It was so much fun, and we did a lot of laughing. It was literally my first time playing tennis. And I have been missing out. It’s so much fun. There was another duo playing on the court next to us, much more experienced, which made it intimidating. I was/am horrible. Yes, I haven’t ever played and you have to start somewhere, but it was embarrassing at first. I kept hitting my ball into their court.

I finally changed my mindset and just focused on having fun and hitting the ball back and forth. Yes there was moments of swinging so hard the ball went flying over the fence, swinging at air, totally missing the ball, and whacking myself with the racket in the head (how I managed that I don’t know). So let’s just say tennis isn’t my sport or at least a sport I am talented in, such as running. I still think it’s fun and we played again the next day.

So I tweeted about this later on Sunday, but a older gentleman (a part of the duo) came over to us when he was done playing, and introduced himself. He was friendly. He then proceeded to tell us that he does free tennis clinics Monday and Thursday nights to help teach proper technique and improve skills.

We weren’t offended by his comments, it was actually funny. I guess we were, or I should say I am, that bad. I took it more as a nice gesture and a needed one, and a bit embarrassing. Cassie, my older sister, and I decided “Let’s Do It!!” Its free and we can learn how to play more efficiently and properly. Deep down I was scared!!

FEAR

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Well Monday evening rolled around. We put some athletic wear on and headed to the courts. Cassie and I decided to do a drive by first to see if it was younger kids, we decided we didn’t want to do it with younger kids (because that would be too embarrassing I guess….FEAR). It definitely wasn’t.

It was a group of women, dressed in tennis attire, who looked like they knew what they were doing. So we drove back by and decided maybe it’s not for us. In truth and in all honesty, we were intimidated and since I knew my skills were lacking, I was scared about being embarrassed.

FEAR

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We both decided to play tennis at another park’s court, so Cassie’s husband would think we actually went. We wanted to hide that we were insecure and didn’t feel like we fit the part. We enjoyed playing tennis all the same, and felt more comfortable doing it. We laughed again and I improved a little Cassie said. However, she told me “You still look like you are showing up for batting practice.” Okay so I swing a tad bit to hard. I can only imagine what I look like.

We got back home and when Josiah asked us how it went, we were honest. And then I felt stupid. Really?? I was going to let my insecurities keep me from learning a sport I actually enjoyed. I am glad I never let that happen with running…..But then I was talented at running. I have a God-given gift. It does come naturally for me. Not that it’s not hard and challenging, but it is a gift. So of course I wouldn’t feel intimidated at races or running in public.

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What makes this different is the fact I am not talented in tennis. It’s going to take some work and practice. I let FEAR keep me from playing tennis.

What did I fear exactly:

• I feared what others would think of me: Would they be secretly laughing at how I looked  when playing and how I played.
• I feared I would be the worst one out there: What if I wasn’t better than anyone? This is stupid, because there will always be someone better than me. In running it has never kept me from running, so why tennis?
• I feared I didn’t look the part: Everyone was dressed the part. In reality this doesn’t mean they are tennis experts. I don’t even dress the part for running all the time and what exactly is dressing the part?

So in short the fear of man crept in. It was all about what other’s would think. Maybe I have more confidence in running because I have been doing it so long. Tennis I haven’t. I am more confident in my ability to run then tennis.

I then thought of all the different areas in my life where I have let the same fear creep in. FEAR has kept me from doing so much and saying so much. Seeking man’s approval and acceptance has caused insecurities and a perfectionist mentality. I have missed out on so much because of FEAR, and once again on Monday night I missed out on learning how to be better at an activity I enjoy. How stupid!!

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MY REMEDY

So I have decided I am going to step out of my comfort zone every now and again. I am not going to let fear decide how I live my life. Fear doesn’t define me!!  I need more boldness in my life. I can be bold with my family, so why not use that same boldness with strangers. FEAR can really ruin your life and change a whole situation. Every decision you make, can be made out of FEAR or boldness.

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I will be honest and say I can be prideful. If someone tells me I can’t do something, I’ll do it to prove that I can. So tell me I can’t play tennis and I will!! Sometimes prides not such a bad thing, and since I don’t want FEAR to win, Tennis Clinic here we come!!

I am not completely horrible at tennis. I can hit the ball back and forth, it’s just at times it goes a little too far. Maybe I am not as bad as I think and that’s what clinics are for. Cassie and I are doing the clinic next week (I can’t tomorrow because I have a wedding Friday that we have to travel too). It’s on!!

Has FEAR kept you from doing anything you wanted to? How do you face fear?