Thursday hash it out – or Talk it out with Bryanna –
Let’s chat this afternoon. It’s been almost a few weeks since I ran the Silo District Half Marathon. I have had time to assess the race, replay it in my mind and now move on. Some races our like a bad breakup, you can’t seem to shake it as quickly as you would like. Memories just keep coming back and there’s this pull to keep looking back…..looking at race photos, reliving the miles, etc.
I want to be completely honest in this recap, while keeping it short. There’s no need to drag it on, because in all honesty the race can be summed up in one sentence: Worse race ran since kids (probably since before kids) where I willed myself to just finish.
They may seem dramatic, but I can’t think of a race I have felt so awful and just wanted to throw in the shoes. Even those races done while pregnant seemed better. Pregnancy races have their pains and discomforts, but more so to do with pregnancy. At Waco on Sunday morning (a few weeks ago), I wasn’t pregnant and the only “thing” to blame for my awful race was myself.
I went in thinking I could PR and race strong. I could keep up with the “big dogs” as there were many elite runners toeing the line on Sunday morning. What I didn’t want to accept was my surgery a month earlier and my 2 week hiatus from running as a result. I tried to stay positive and not let my mind wander to my loss in fitness and the discomfort from the surgery and hernias. I kept moving forward and putting one foot in front of the other.
We should have known that the race wasn’t going to go as planned, when we spent hours trying to find my race packet. Somewhere in the shuffle they lost my elite packet. We went to a few hotels to locate it and I finally got a hold of the elite director. M was up every 30-45 minutes throughout the night. My alarm sounded at 4:40 am after a very un-restful night. I held my head high and didn’t let myself think of my lack of sleep, my surgery and my deprivation of energy. I laced up with my head up.
Race morning was a balmy 65 degrees and very humid. When there’s cloud coverage you can bet there’s humidity and that morning was no different. It was fun seeing Chip and Joanna and listening to his passion for the race. The race started and I tried to hold with the front pack. By mile 3 I knew the race was not going to be pretty, and the lead pack began to drift ahead. I tried to stay in 5th place, but as my pace faltered so did my place. Soon I was in 6th and I remained there until the last mile when I was passed yet again, and placed 7th.
My family cheered me on and it was so fun seeing the kids and Marc. I kept willing myself to finish. My lungs felt fine, but my legs would not go any faster, no matter how much I tried to convince them to. With each mile came more fatigue. It was disappointing watching my PR slip away and goals and feeling like I was not capable of even finishing a half marathon. Head up!
I knew at mile 3 it would be about finishing only. When I crossed the line, I felt slow and weak and was irritated that my PR would have placed me nicely in the top 5, with prize money. If I would have ran my goal time, I would have taken home a nice reward check, and if I would have ran my best time I would have still brought home a nice lout. Unfortunately this wasn’t the case on race morning.
I did enjoy the weekend and I am grateful for the opportunity to run, even if my performance was less than sub-par. I am going to keep my goals in sight, while learning to give up what isn’t needed in my life. My energy, my time is not as it was. Adding another child, adds another element of surprise, another challenge. For me, I am keeping my eyes on the goals and not the circumstances, because when I let my mind wander I lose hope and will. I feel broken and discouraged, and wander “can I do this?” I shift my focus to what’s important and what I am doing!
Here’s to more miles and many more races!
Until Next Time Be Whole and Be Fit