The past few months have been rough. At least when it came to running. I took 4 weeks off from running after ending the cross country season in November, and didn’t feel any difference in pain. It was as if the 4 weeks off from running hadn’t helped. I enlisted a physical therapist for a variety of reasons, but mainly because no running wasn’t working and I wanted to run again.
Also, I knew they would be able to better assist me and have the resources to help my injury. I started physical therapy in December and was going religiously. Doing my at home exercises and workouts and working hard at physical therapy. I was even given the greenlight to run, as if my PT had a choice.
Sometimes, I am sure, others wonder why we do it. Why we run when it’s painful and miserable. Why we continue to hurt ourselves when there’s no gain in doing so. I know others wonder this, because my PT asked me that very question. I told him I needed to be running again and that 4 weeks hadn’t helped at all, so I was going to start running again whether he wanted me to or not. He said fine. He’d learn to never tell a runner they can’t run, because they won’t listen. He said we’ve learned to accommodate runners. I thought to myself “good.”
After a few weeks into my PT sessions, my PT asked how running was going and how far I had been running. I told him I was doing 5 days a week no more than 5 miles. He said he hoped I would say 3 days a week and 3-4 miles. I replied with, “I start marathon training after Christmas, so I need to be running again. How long before it’s not painful any more and I am back to normal?”
He just looked at me like I was crazy. I was blunt and to the point. I needed to be running. I wasn’t supposed to be running if it was painful, but I told him pain is relative to the person and I had been running through so much pain, it wasn’t that bad any more. When it’s too painful I won’t, but if it’s doable I’ll just go with it.
I am stubborn or others would say stupid. He finally asked the daunting question: Why do you run if it hurts so much? What’s the point, really why?
Tons of responses came to mind, and I knew he wouldn’t want to hear my spiel on why I run, even if it’s painful. Because there was a reason or two. Number one, what would I do if I didn’t? I mean honestly, what? It keeps me sane and healthy. But really that’s not my main motivation. What keeps me motivated to run, even when it hurts and sucks, is the place running takes me. 
It’s my “me time,” my alone time, my no one can bug me time. It’s the solitude I need to reboot and re-energize myself. To raise my spirits. It’s my heart to heart time with God. Where with every step I take, burdens are left behind and stress falls with every foot strike. It’s solitude and relational all in one. It’s hard but effortless. It’s an escape from all that wears me down during the day, but yet a reality check of all I shouldn’t be worried about.
It gives me energy, yet leaves me breathless. It pushes me to greater limits, and makes me stronger. Because of running I am a stronger women in many areas of my life and capable of so much more than I thought. Because with running I have learned there are no limits. No limits to age, distance or time. Running is yours, but also others. It’s shared, but also kept. It’s full of tears of pain and tears of joy. Defeat, redemption and victory.
Running is a part of who I am, but it’s not who I am. I do it for me first. It’s not selfish, but I find that when you find your reason for running, it can’t always be about others. Running has a personal story that only you can tell. All the pain I feel in running is worth the escape, solitude, relationship, reality check, breathless, limitless and heart to heart I get every time I lace up. 
And on those days I feel no pain, not even the nagging, I can handle this pain, I know it’s all been worth it and I cherish my running even more.
It’s a slow road to recovery at times, but in this recovery we learn more about ourselves. We strengthen the weaker parts and we become stronger in other parts. We learn to trust the process too. I am kicking my butt with new exercises, but now only doing PT every other week. And I’ll probably nix it all together here soon. Now the only thing that can help me is trusting my runs and myself, and knowing the hard work has worked. After all our minds are a powerful thing.
Until Next Time Be Whole and Be Fit
What motivates you to run, even when it hurts? What’s the point?